I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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