farters have to be the big spoon...
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
