Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
