While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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