you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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