; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
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