I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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