I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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