just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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