I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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