We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
