Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
