she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
