did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
