I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
