So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
