I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
