I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
