Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
