Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
