I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
