Dual....:-)
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
