thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
