Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
