i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
