Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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