I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
