As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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