Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
