I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
