I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
