We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
