I hope mine doesn't look like that
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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