Have you finally orgasmed yet?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
