It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
