You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
