i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
