I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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