Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
