After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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