You really coming over, don't trick.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
