great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
