Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
