I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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