All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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