I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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