I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
