Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
