May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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