Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
