Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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