my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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