hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
