At least make sure they are 18
Why
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
