Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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