No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
