i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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