Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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