If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Randomize
