theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
foreskin is a definite game changer
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
