I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
