He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
