I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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