grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
