we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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