Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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