using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
