Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
