clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
