I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
