Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
