i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
