please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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