Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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