If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just invented taco cereal.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
