i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
