Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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