dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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