my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
And then my night got REAL pukey
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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