I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
