i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
