Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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