Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
