I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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