Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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