i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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