Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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