So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
