I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
