At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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