My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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