we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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