whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
