I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
