i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
