I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
