that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
