Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
