And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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