The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
So squirting runs in the family.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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